Every little bit counts

After more than a week of dancing in traditional Buenos Aires milongas, I’m reminded of some of the social niceties which contribute to a harmonious dance floor as well as an enjoyable individual experience.  (Not a word about cabeceo here.  That topic has already had plenty of coverage.)

Each and every dancer makes a positive contribution to the milonga by:

* taking care of personal hygiene beforehand & avoiding strong scents

* changing into dance shoes in the bathrooms or away from the dance floor 

* when not dancing, ensuring that they aren’t blocking others’ line of sight. If standing to catch someone’s eye, then stand behind the tables

* entering the dance floor with care, with the man seeking and getting the nod of approval from the oncoming leader, and then entering before his partner, to protect her. Start to dance immediately, thus avoiding holdups 

* not eating/chewing while dancing

* chatting only in between songs on the dance floor. Need more time? Then sit down to have a conversation. Chatting while dancing spoils the tanda for dancers around you

* dancing small, keeping feet on the floor, especially in a busy milonga 

* dancing in the ronda, in your lane - neither tailgating nor holding up couples behind you 

* avoiding contact with other couples. Any collisions, even minor, warrant an apology or at least an acknowledgement 

* escorting ladies back to their table

* clearing the floor efficiently during the cortina.

I love how these small things - put together - add up to something greater than their sum.  Congratulations to dancers at La Milonguita in Adelaide who do this so well!

Pat

Diaries of BsAs - Wardrobe malfunctions

Let's face it, most of us take the trouble to present ourselves well at a milonga.  We take care with our personal hygiene, do our hair and make-up (at least some do!), avoid strong perfumes (and other noxious food and body odours), and wear nice clothes.  Most of us want to make a good impression, don't we?

But sometimes, despite our best intentions things can go wrong...

• Some time ago, I was about to leave the ladies' room, to return to the milonga.  Thankfully, one of the other ladies called out to me in Spanish: Tu pollera! (your skirt!)   Had she not been thoughtful enough to do that, I would have strolled into one of my favourite milongas with part of my silk skirt tucked into my underclothes!!   Now that would have made an attractive sight.
  
  
• Not so much embarassing, but not a good look was a mature-aged gentleman in a nice suit happily dancing with his partner.  Unfortunately, he was oblivious to the fact that his suit jacket was tucked into the back of his trousers.
  
  
• A few words of caution to ladies keen on wearing short skirts.  A while ago, a woman arrived at a milonga, obviously doing her best to present herself as a something of a vamp in both her theatrical arrival and the way she dressed.  Some men were immediately drawn by this, and invited her to dance.  However, her dress was so short, that her underwear was on display to all, when she took up the man's embrace.  Observing reactions around the milonga, she was clearly the source of comment.  It didn't take long for one of the organisers to have words with her.   Returning from the ladies room, she was wearing thick black tights.
  
  
•  At a recent BsAs milonga, I was sitting out a tanda and watching the dancers, when something suddenly caught my attention.  It wasn't the male dancer's great skill or musicality.  I had to look again a couple of times to ensure what I was seeing was not what it seemed.  With great relief, I realised that it was only the end of his tan-coloured belt which I could see.  The last 10 centimetres or so of the belt had come adrift, and was hanging from the centre-front of his trousers.  Mercifully, the belt was soon tucked away out of sight.  Perhaps someone kindly told him.

Moral:
Check your attire carefully before going out and before leaving the bathroom.

PP

What does it take to dance in Buenos Aires?

Thinking of visiting the Mecca of tango? 
Are you ready for the challenges which await you? 
Are your expectations realistic?

Here is one person’s opinion – not expert, not comprehensive, but coming from a lot of observation and personal experience.   Visitors to BsAs need as many assets as possible to break into the local milonga scene – and I’m talking about the traditional milongas here, such as La Nacional, El Beso, Plaza Bohemia, Lo de Celia, etc.  So here’s my list: 

•  Make an effort with your personal hygiene  and  appearance  (for a man, that can include wearing a jacket). 
•  A good embrace is a must, and the first step you take is a defining moment – make it count. 
• You need to dance well if you are to be noticed, and then desired as a possible partner
• And you need to appear interested and confident – look like you belong in the milonga

Now some basic codes that should be respected: 

•  Using the cabeceo is essential …. and for ladies, that also means remaining in your seats until the man arrives
• Good navigation skills must be used to avoid embarrassing collisions, or disturbing the dancers around you. This means following a tight line-of-dance and respecting neighbouring dancers’ space.
• It is important to dance appropriately and conservatively. No big figures, gentlemen. Nor feet off the floor, ladies.  Everyone sees everything in the milonga  - dancing that doesn’t fit in, is quickly condemned in people’s minds  
• When dancing, there needs to be maximum concentration on your partner – it’s not about you, it’s about them.  Add to this, musicality that reflects familiarity with the music, and how to respond to it.

So will breaking into the scene take a long time?  There are a number of factors to keep an eye on, quite apart from the above list (e.g. don’t sit as a couple if you expect to dance with other partners).  Here are some extra tips: 

•  Stay for a reasonable period in BsAs (no, two weeks aren’t long enough), attend the same milonga regularly, and return to BsAs as often as you can to re-connect with partners you have met
• If you get a couple of dances on your first night, and your partners liked what they felt, then they will probably look out for you next time  ..... when you may then find a couple more new partners
• Have patience, and an understanding of social pressures – local people go to the milongas to see and dance with their friends, so there is an element of wanting to dance together first.  You may have to wait and persist.  And while you may not get many dances in your early visits to the milongas, there is lots to interest the true tango lover, such as listening to the music, and watching the dancers.

These thoughts are the product of 15 years of annual visits to BsAs, when in the early years, lack of competence, ignorance ... and  a reasonable dose of fear, meant that we only danced as a couple.  No-one had told us anything about how to fit in, about the codes, about dancing that was appropriate.  Then there was a period of ‘dipping our toes in the water’, until we had eventually developed our skill, understanding, and confidence enough to fully embrace the ‘singles’ scene at the traditional milongas mentioned at the start, and to look forward to making local tango connections.  Above all, we came to utterly respect and enjoy the codes and customs of the milongas that belong to the people of BsAs.

There’s probably more that could be added to my list. What do you think?

Bob

PS. If you’re thinking of visiting BsAs for the first time to dance tango, and your teachers haven’t prepared you for what awaits, then make sure you talk to people who know.

Imagine if ...

While chatting with Pedro Sanchez, he made the strong statement that it is the women who set the standards at the milonga. In other words, the women determine the behaviours which they are prepared to tolerate from the men who want to dance with them. Take a moment to think about that and the implications.

How would milongas change if the more experienced female dancers were not prepared to accept invitations from those men who are guilty of one or more of the following …

·         blatantly interrupting conversations to invite them to dance

·         pushing and pulling them around the dance-floor

·         often causing collisions

·         ignoring their personal hygiene

·         attending the milonga in the same clothes they would wear to a barbecue?

Imagine a milonga where all the men ….

·         use the cabeceo, allowing women some real choice

·         communicate the lead subtly with their bodies

·         protect their partner and respect other dancers on the floor

·         make an effort with their personal hygiene

·         dress for a special occasion - the milonga.

Is this just a fantasy? Is it achievable? When all is said and done, I believe that it comes down to self-respect and personal standards.

PP

How do I tell him?

Sometimes we float on a cloud of blissful ignorance. Most of us are afflicted by some form of myopia.  Yet ignorance is no excuse in the eyes of the law. Just try to explain to a police officer that you didn't know about a speed limit.

OK, at most milongas the organisers won't impose a fine for anti-social behaviour, but most socially aware adults would certainly disapprove of those who make us feel uncomfortable.There tends to be a fairly common understanding in social groups about these matters. Lacking the courage to confront a person directly, people often grumble about the offending behaviour amongst themselves.

Are any of these "oversights" familiar?
> Too busy to take a quick shower before heading to the milonga?  No problems, just spray on some deodorant or cologne.
> No time to iron a clean shirt?  Easy, a T-shirt will do.
> Forgot to brush your teeth?  Just pop some breath mints.

Sorry, that's simply not good enough in this intimate dance. Your dance partners won't enjoy being subjected to that, despite your superb dancing skills! Most of them will simply be too polite to say anything to you, but that won't stop them from thinking it and having second thoughts about dancing with you!

On the other hand, those ladies and gentlemen who make an effort are considerate to those they dance with.  Looking and feeling good also helps boost the confidence.  And in this dance, we can all do with that!

PP

What IS that smell???

Before attending a social function such as a milonga, there are certain things many of us take for granted in our society: taking a shower, brushing our teeth, wearing clean clothes, taking along some breath mints. Some men who perspire heavily have been known to thoughtfully bring along a spare shirt to change into. Tangueras really do appreciate men who make an effort.

However, as in all matters, there are people attending milongas who just don’t understand the Less is more concept. And I’m not referring to their dancing! I’m thinking about the ladies and gentlemen who feel the need to douse themselves with their favourite, expensive perfume and then share it around each time they embrace someone. Surely just a hint of scent should be enough – elegant sufficiency, n’est ce pas? Instead, we sometimes leave milongas wearing a sundry mélange of designer eau de parfum. OK, I’m lucky enough not to suffer from allergies and I can wash it off when I get home. So what’s the fuss all about?

A few weeks ago, we discovered an odour emanating from my significant other’s clothes. It was rather feminine, floral and quite pervasive. (He’s got another woman! I thought.) The smell had spread through four jackets & six shirts like an out-of-control virus. Finally, we managed to track down the source to one of the jackets he’d worn to a milonga. No amount of airing could get rid of it. Now, he’s patiently & forensically working towards identifying the culprit!

On another note, Tango Goddess shares an amusing anecdote about a totally different type of assault on the olfactory system.

PP

Men making an effort

We women often enjoy the opportunity to dress up a little, take a bit more care with the hair and make-up. The milonga is just the sort of occasion where we like to look and feel more elegant. Making that effort can do wonders for a lady's confidence.

Could the same apply to men? Does taking trouble with one's appearance and personal hygiene matter? Is it my imagination that the men at milongas wearing a nice shirt and trousers, a jacket, or even a suit, look ... shall I say, more manly? Do they, perhaps, conduct themselves more confidently? I am curious to know how men feel about this?

Of course, ladies appreciate considerate dance partners. I think I am speaking not only for myself, when I say that we also value gentlemen who respect the initimacy of the tango embrace by making an effort to present themselves well for the occasion.

Ladies, here's a word of warning based on research in male washrooms by a male colleague in BsAs. Regardless of the appearance of your dance partner, washing your hands (especially your right hand!) before eating is strongly advised.

PP