Different partners, different journeys

Ladies, we may sometimes lament the gender imbalance at milongas.  Perhaps we dance less than we’d like.  But have you considered some of the advantages of our role in tango? 

After Marta’s milonga Wednesday night (El Rodríguez), I was reminded how lucky we can be … if we are patient.  During that milonga I experienced three truly memorable tandas with men I had never previously danced with.  And each one was so very different!

D took me on a whirling flight through energetic D’Arienzo valses.   His strong dissociation and control meant our turns were so tight, we were like the vortex of a tornado.  Yet our movement was contained and couples around us remained undisturbed.

I caught the eye of S when I heard the introduction of a romantic Di Sarli tango.  His response to the music felt like waves in the ocean.  Carrying us gently, suspending at the crest of the wave and then accelerating downwards. 

Troilo’s tangos get a lot of coverage here, I’m happy to say.  I noticed a man trying to invite me when a Troilo tanda started.  Not having seen him dance, I looked away.  Fortunately, two lovely local ladies at my table, quickly reassured me that I should definitely not pass up that offer.  C took me on a nuanced musical journey, taking time to savour moments in the music and attentively responding to my responses.

To be ready for such diverse, special experiences in the milonga, good technique/body control is needed, allowing me to respond to a variety of movement possibilities.  The woman’s role also requires her to simultaneously follow the music … as well as her partner’s interpretation of it.  She doesn’t “just follow the lead”.

Finally, mindset is critical.  If I had had a preconceived idea of the dance, eg. dancing certain figures; being determined to display decorations; etc., then I would have missed out on the magic.  Being flexible and open to my partner is pivotal.  That’s when it gets interesting.  As in life!

Pat

Soul

Amongst the countless tango performances available on the internet, we may enjoy the musicality, admire the technique and marvel at the spectacle.  Yet, few performances truly move me deeply.  

We all know, of course, that Noelia and Carlitos are wonderful dancers.  Yet, what is it about this particular performance in Bratislava to "Lo vi en tus ojos" which has so much soul?
PP

Intention

If you've learned to dance the man's role in tango, you may have been urged to dance with more intention. Especially as a beginner dancer, any tentativeness or indecision would probably have been identified. You would have been reminded that even a hint of uncertainty is immediately apparent in your partner's response .... or lack of it!

As a consequence, you may have also formed the impression that dancing with intention is only important in the man's role. That the woman simply follows what the man proposes in the dance. And perhaps this is so ... in the early stages.

However, most experienced dancers will confirm that there is much more to the woman's role than "just following".

Dancing well in the woman's role means responding to the music and to the man's proposal without anticipation and haste. When she moves to the music it is with conviction, commitment and confidence.

Perhaps not so different to the intention required in the man's role??

Here are two performance treats, both embodying intention.
PP

Woman's role in tango

Some interesting comments appeared on the previous post: Just follow the leader.

Andy highlighted the challenge of the woman's role and the timing of her response to the lead. Indeed the woman must contribute her interpretation of the man's lead and the music to the dance, otherwise she is merely a puppet being dragged around in his arms.

A very good female tango dancer achieves a sensitive balance between the lead and her personal expression, with the outcome being a beautiful unity of music and movement.  Two individuals dance as one in the embrace. Lidia Ferrari's article The place of woman in tango (or Is tango macho?) elaborates on what is required of the woman, as well as perhaps challenging some macho men who may see themselves as good tango dancers.  Thanks for sharing these articles, Andy!

Just take a look at Adela dancing with Gaston at the start of Dany and Lucy's milonga.
PP

Just follow the leader

Have your ever heard the expression: Ladies, all you need to do is follow the lead ?  In this day and age of gender equality you might perhaps sense that the woman's role in the dance is diminished through this terminology - such an inadequate descriptor of the woman's role in tango, which is quite different to the man's role, but no less significant.  (By the way, I do believe that the complementary [man-woman] roles in tango may be a major factor in the popularity of the dance.  Perhaps western society's political correctness and inclination towards gender neutrality may be nudging people to the traditional gender roles in tango, as described by Paul Yang.)

Probably not all women in tango will agree with me, but when the music calls, and I'm in the embrace of a dance partner whom I trust, I love being taken on a short but memorable journey courtesy of my partner.  He is the principal guide to the music, while I contribute to that tour in my response to him and to the music.  But for him to treat me to his personalised insider's tour, he needs to feel my appreciation of his efforts by relaxing in his embrace, and by being present just for him and the music.  A delightful quality of Golden Age tango music is that it is multi-layered, so, each tour guide will show me different highlights of his appreciation of the music and perhaps some hidden surprises.  How good is that?  Every tanda offers the potential for a new journey.  Why wouldn't I enjoy the woman's role?

I am curious to know what men feel about their role in the dance.

PP

Are you really there for your partner?

I was initially attracted to tango by what I saw and heard when couples were dancing. Obviously, it was an observer's response. Then, I tried to recreate what I had observed.

Like the peeling away layers of an onion, it dawned on me much later that the experience of genuinely dancing tango is largely private, unseen and incredibly satisfying.

Good technique can be taught and developed ....
... frequently listening to tango music will improve your appreciation and response....
....... both will enhance your dance a great deal.
But, in my view, they won't get you beyond a certain point unless you have the right attitude.

So .. what is your state of mind when you dance tango?

Does the music compel you to seek out a dance partner? (Or do you dance to whatever music is put on?)

.... then, are you really present for your partner?

Do you listen to your partner throughout the dance?

..... so, are you always doing your best to connect with your partner and his/her response to the music?

Is your dance governed by the music and your partner? (Or is the next figure your dominant thought?)

.... once again, do you really listen to your partner at each moment of the dance?

Are you prepared to give yourself to your partner? (This implies trust, of course.)

.... and is it your intention to make each part of the dance pleasurable for your partner?


If so, and if your partner is doing the same, then chances are that you may both experience a lovely connection.  You know the sort I mean?  It leaves you floating on air at the end of the tanda (and just a teensy bit sad), as though you were returning to reality from another dimension.

So, what do YOU want when you dance tango? Just a bit of fun on the dance-floor? Or do you want more?

PP

Surrender or self-preservation?

Entrega (roughly translated as surrender) is that delicious and much-sought-after experience in tango, when you can allow yourself to become one with your partner and the music. You and your partner are in a bubble, being carried along by the music.  This is, in my opinion, true tango.

Trust is a prerequisite - trust in your partner, as well as trust in your fellow dancers and trust in the musical selections of the DJ.

How lightly do you grant this trust? Recent chats with a few tangueras revealed that some grant it far too lightly.  How powerless they have felt in having surrendered, when instead, a response of self-preservation was called for. Men have reported similar experiences.  So, when might self-preservation tactics be appropriate for men or women?

Your partner (man or woman)

• is imposing movements upon you that make you feel uncomfortable (eg. leg-wraps, high boleos)
• is not in control of his/her axis, and your balance is compromised
• moves ahead of you, rather than with you
• is moving in a way which endangers or compromises the comfort of other dancers
• is stepping outside the embrace

Here, tango might be compared to sex between consenting adults. Don't do what you don't like.  Preserve your comfort, safety & dignity, and enjoy the experience!

So, what are some tried & true strategies of self-preservation?

1. Cabeceo - it means that you have choice.  If you don't like what you see, or have had a bad experience with someone, don't nod to accept their invitation. It's the best line of defence.  However, we have all experienced Uh oh moments, so ...
2. Brace - your body is alert.  You are ready to tense your muscles in order to maintain your balance or to slow down your partner
3. Embrace - you may change the embrace, perhaps making it much closer to limit your partner's movements
4. Say something - tell your partner that you don't feel comfortable
5. Leave - if all else fails, reserve the right to say "Thank you" perhaps at the end of a song (not tanda) and leave the dance-floor

The choice is yours: surrender or self-preservation.
PP

How was it for you?

Gentlemen! If you want to dance real tango, you should leave exhibitionist figures and mind-sets at the door when you enter the milonga.

You'll need to focus your attention on the embrace and the music, and not on elaborate steps. What is the point of executing tricky figures, if the connection with your partner is broken? Do you really want her to feel like a puppet in your arms, rather than a woman?

So .......

      if we dance, I don't want to be your partner for a performance.

      if we dance, I will want you to dance with and for me.

      if we dance, it will be to share the feeling of the music.

After the first tango of a tanda, some milongueros gently check with me that I feel comfortable. Such is their respect. They know that a woman cannot give of herself in tango, if she is not at ease. True milongueros know that for a partner to share her passion, there must be trust. 

Guys, to dance tango, you must listen to the heart of the woman. Cacho Dante.

PP

Budding tango relationships

No, I’m not referring to those fleeting relationships typified by an invitation to have a ‘cafecito’ after the milonga. For those unfamiliar with this euphemism, the expectation is to share more than a cup of coffee! 

She has observed & approved of his dancing and his conduct in the milonga.  He, too, has noticed her elegance and entrega. So begins the game of visually seeking out the other for the first time.

Still metres from her table, he approaches, maintaining eye contact, thus confirming their agreement to dance.  Only then does she rise from her seat, in a heightened state of anticipation, wondering whether her observations will be confirmed when she accepts his embrace.

As she places her upper body against his, his embrace encloses her into a respectful cocoon of safety and comfort. She relaxes and they begin to move together to the music.  

He suggests simple movements, intuitively assessing her responses. She feels his responses to her. They gradually become familiar with each other’s idiosyncrasies, nuances, musical sensitivities and imperfections. During the 12 minutes of the tanda, they begin a non-verbal conversation which slowly gains more depth - the start of a journey of mutual discovery to be continued at a future milonga when their paths cross again.

PP 

That Buenos Aires embrace

What is it that typifies the tango embrace in traditional milongas of Buenos Aires? 

Firstly, no fear
No fear of one's partner. No apprehension about whether you will make mistakes. No concern about what onlookers may think. It's about surrendering to your partner, the music and the moment.

Becoming one with your partner
Mould yourself onto your partner's body, without compromising your axis. The embrace is relaxed, secure and comfortable for both, and not crippled by poor posture.

Man's embrace
While she 'stands up for her man' with a relaxed, good posture, his embrace provides security, conveying confidence and certainty. This allows her to surrender to the journey - his gift to her - knowing he will protect her all along the way.

You embrace your partner as though you really mean it. Let them in to become as one. Make a commitment for the tanda. There should be no 'maybe'.


You may also experience this elsewhere - not just in Buenos Aires. It is certainly how I like the embrace. What are your preferences?
PP

What really matters

Some developments in the world of tango make it all too easy to lose sight of the essence of the dance.   Youtube videos of professional dancers performing amazing sequences proliferate on the internet.   Students of tango can be easily seduced into wanting to emulate such riveting performances.  As a result, some teachers seem to cater for perceived customer demand and feel that they should teach tricky tango moves.

I'll be blunt.  For people really interested in tango (the social dance), this approach is a useless distraction.  In my experience, it tends to result in a superficial experience, at best; a battleground of arms and legs, at worst.

On the other hand, the satisfaction and joy which comes from a deep connection with a partner and the music is magical.  Who can forget that sense of being at one and completely in the moment.  This is something to be treasured, when it happens.  The often-used image of four legs, one heart is so apt.

Dancing as one may seem simple, but can be difficult to achieve - even without distractions!  We should be completely carried by the music, which may be unfamiliar.  Body-control is required, yet we need to be relaxed, not worrying about what's coming next.  We need to be comfortable in the embrace.  Leading and following are subtle - yet crystal clear.  This results in improvisation and creativity, but not at the expense of one's partner.

So, focus on what really matters.
Dance as ONE.  Dance to the MUSIC.  Dance in the NOW.

PP

The Gift

The woman had been dancing for only a short while, but had the ability to give herself to the tango & her partner. Later, she told a friend: “It felt like I was being taken on a tour of a village that he knew well, pointing out the important and interesting places to me, the places that he loved. It was like receiving a gift.”

The man obviously knew the music well, knew its changing dynamic, its different emotional highpoints. The woman was prepared to listen to his body and move with his energy. He felt privileged by the trust that had been given.

No figures and sequences, no choreography or show, just two people, the music, and entrega.

Bob

Some holiday viewing

Got a few days off for the festive season? Like to indulge yourself in some videos?

Thanks to Irene & Man Yung, I've just found the Tangotradicional Youtube channel. If you've never seen social tango at its best, this is a must. As for those of us who've experienced some of these great milongas, you'll want to book your next flight to Buenos Aires asap.

PP

Making every moment count

I know it sounds clichéd, but the most memorable dances I’ve had were when both my partner and I felt completely in tune with the music and with each other. The selection of music was just right. We trusted each other enough to mutually surrender to its moods and cadences. The figures we danced were of no consequence - often quite simple. It felt like the music was channeling through our close embrace and directing us. Each step we took counted. We danced in the moment. Sounds sort of Zen, doesn’t it!

My plea to tango dancers: Listen to the music, trust it and allow it to transport you! Only then will it be possible to dance in the moment.

Here are some inspirational dancers making every step count:

Melina & Detlef

Juan Esquivel & Thomasina

Osvaldo & Coca

Tete & Silvia

Adela & Santiago (thanks to Tango commuter)

There are many more, of course.

PP

Milongueros in action

I’m delighted! At last, I’ve found a series of Youtube videos featuring milongueros of Buenos Aires doing what they love – not performing, but dancing socially in the milonga.

That’s when they’re at their best: feeling the music, dancing with real connection to their partner; dancing with and for her, and at the same time, showing the utmost consideration for dancers around them.

They keep their partner safe in their embrace, allowing her to relax and respond calmly & intuitively. You can see the look of serenity, almost meditation, on the faces of the women in these videos. Tangopilgrim hit the nail on the head, when quoting his teacher: The most important dance is the one that happens inside us.

Don’t do anything, unless you feel you have to. And do anything that you feel you have to do. (Tangopilgrim)
These milongueros and their partners are dancing in the moment. They are both being carried by the demands of the music and all its rhythmic variations, and savouring each second.

Thanks, Irene and Man Yung (video above) and Jantango , for recording and posting these gems on your sites.

PP

Talk & tango? I just can’t do it!

Have you ever started dancing with someone who wanted to have a chat while accompanying you around the pista? What was the outcome? How was the tango?

Many of us can multi-task quite successfully. But this combination does not work for me at all, and I suspect that I’m not alone. Today, while listening to my ipod, mercifully distracted from a dental procedure, I pondered why this might be so.

Music generates emotional & physical responses. Its influence can be energetic, calming, soporific, romantic, melancholic, joyful, etc. Understanding the lyrics isn’t a pre-requisite, at all, although it enhances the experience. Our brains are hard-wired to get the musical message (Daniel Levitin). Dancing is a physical expression of that. So whether or not we’re aware of it, my partner and I, together, are physically responding to the emotions evoked when a piece of music calls us to the floor. I like to make the most of the tanda with my partner, and if we’re lucky, we may experience that addictive tango-zone.

While dancing, chatting about a recent good film or a mutual friend, will simply interfere with that strong, but fleeting connection. It reminds me of those annoying TV commercials which pop up inappropriately at critical moments during a movie. No chance there of being transported by the dance!

Then there’s the complexity of much tango music, with so many delicious improvisational possibilities. Choreographed patterns of dance learned by rote can allow for talk. After all, the body already knows what it’s going to do. But to improvise, in other words to dance “in the moment”, your attention needs to be dedicated to the music and your partner. The concept of entrega is about abandoning yourself to your partner and the music … just for that tanda, of course. Little wonder that milongueros don’t get up to dance to just any music. They’re choosy about their music and partners. When they dance, they put ‘all the meat on the fire’ todo la carne en la parilla.

So what do you do if your partner wants to tango and talk?

1. Go with the flow and chat for the remainder of the tanda
2. Say “Thank-you” and return to your table
3. Ignore the talk. If you don’t respond, it may stop eventually.
4. Simply admit: “I’m not able to dance tango and talk at the same time”. Hopefully the message will be clear.
5. Never dance with that person again

What do you think?
Pat.

Embrace me like you really want to dance tango

Tango is music and we can dance to it, but without an embrace, I’m not dancing tango – I’m doing something else. I make my connection with the music, with my partner, with the floor through the embrace. It’s my medium of communication – I propose a movement to my partner, she responds, I follow – our bodies communicate this through the embrace. Of course, I’m talking close embrace, and when I’m in Buenos Aires in particular, that means chest to belly contact – then we dance as one.

Taking up the embrace with a new partner is a defining moment. I take up the embrace with very clear intent. I want my partner to know that I feel confident with her, to reassure her that I know how to dance well, that I will keep her safe as she is led into the unknown, to create a feeling of trust. At the same time, my partner will communicate a lot to me when she takes up my embrace: I will be able to sense her love of tango, the strength of her frame (if she presents a weak right arm, then the dance may be compromised immediately), her willingness to surrender (entregarse). We are exchanging knowledge about each other - a lot of information flows back and forth at that moment, and almost immediately we create expectations and sense how we are going to approach the dance.

With a good embrace, I can lead one step then pause - we are able to wait-feel-listen while being transported by the music. With a good embrace, I feel confident that we can improvise and navigate regardless of the crowd. With a good embrace there is an intimacy, with energy flowing continuously between my partner, me and the music. Only with a good embrace can I dance tango.

Much has been written about the embrace and the following quotes encapsulate its essence for me:

• Mari in her tango diaries says: “Hold me like it’s personal”. She also writes about the ‘entrega’ mentioned above.
  
• Stephanie in her blog writes: “the embrace is about who you are and your ability to communicate that to another”
  
• Finally, Johanna in her blog ‘I’m so easy to please’ gets to the heart of the matter with a piece of fundamental advice: “Just embrace me like you mean it.”
  

And for those searching for the perfect embrace, a starting point could be the advice (at 2m30s) from one of our favourite couples, Melina & Detlef - men, give your partner a genuine hug, then take up her right hand.

Just do it.

So what do you want from the embrace?

Bob

More on Buenos Aires milongas

Attending milongas as a single opens one to new experiences with unfamiliar partners: adjustment to the new body, style, musicality - not unlike getting to know someone in conversation, actually.

As a follower, I find that allowing myself to be at one with my partner and the music for a tanda, means I feel like a different dancer each time, expressing myself differently with every new leader. Such is the experience of the entrega. Bob's experience is not dissimilar. His partner's embrace will tell him whether certain movements are likely to be feasible, eg. an unchanging embrace will limit possibilities for turns - without diminishing the dance. After all, the enjoyment of the tanda comes primarily through the connection with one's partner and the music.

As a single, your seating at a milonga makes a difference to how easy eye contact is for the cabeceo - singles who are regulars at a milonga get prime positions, of course. At the start of a tanda if your desired partner is across the dance-floor in a busy milonga, you have to establish eye contact as early as possible, otherwise it will be near to impossible to use the cabeceo due to the crowd of dancing bodies which rapidly gathers. The exception seems to be tandas of milonga music, in which somewhat fewer dancers seem confident in the dance, or might be uncertain whether a prospective partner would handle the challenge - yes, this happens in BsAs, too!

Each milonga has its own personality, even if the venue remains the same. The venue of Maipu 444 is an excellent example, where milongas are held most nights of the week. On Tuesday evening, the milonga Sentimental y Coqueta is a traditonal, largely singles milonga, with great music and very open to visitors who can dance well. Wednesday night sees the venue hosting a gay-friendly milonga: La Marshall. Whereas Saturday night, Cachirulo, seems to be a somewhat more exclusive milonga. For more details on milongas and other tango topics, you can subscribe to the free online version of BA Tango by emailing abatango@yahoo.com with the subject line Subscribe. El Tangauta, another free monthly tango publication can be read online at www.eltangauta.com

Music may be purely Golden Age tango, or some milongas include tandas of swing, rock & roll, chacarera and even cumbia. At a couple of milongas, some tandas of tango/electronica will appear. A few milongas seem to be largely an opportunity to catch up and dance with friends who are regulars, whereas at other milongas, getting a dance as a visitor is much easier. Of course, the more frequently you dance there, the more people get to know you. We're finding that with each visit to BsAs, dancing with familiar faces means knowing which style you can slip into when you take up the embrace. On the other hand, dancing with a new partner can be quite exciting, especially when after a few moments it becomes apparent that it is going to be a memorable tanda together.

Pat & Bob (looking forward to our last week in BsAs.)

Entrega ... or what could be likened to "The Tango Zone"

Many say dancing tango - as danced in the salon, not on the stage - is about the man, the woman and the music. But that doesn't quite get to the heart of it for me, and it certainly won't help the uninitiated "get it".

For quite a while I have thinking about this notion of la entrega in tango. More and more, I believe that is what dancing tango is all about. It's something like surrendering to the emotion of the music together; and the stronger you both feel about the music, the more powerful that fleeting experience may be. Rick McGarrey in Tango and Chaos writes about a shared informed passion. But better see for yourself what he has to say about that.

The rest of his website is also a must for any tangoholic.

Happy reading,
Pat.