Lust in the milonga

In between the songs in a tanda, Pat’s partner said, ‘Your husband must need glasses, letting you go out dancing on your own’, which simply brought a bemused smile to Pat’s face.  Of course, it was simply a piropo, which women can expect to hear often from local men in the milongas of Buenos Aires.

But this isn’t the lust I’m talking about, nor the more pointed invitation for ‘un cafecito’ after the milonga, that foreign women may receive.  

I watch the women dance, and focus on one, as I notice her pivots, the contact her feet have with the floor, her embrace, the way she responds with elegance to her partner’s leads, the occasional under-stated decorations that enhance rather than interfere with the connection, the one-ness she creates with her partner.  My desire kicks in: “I must dance with her!”  So begins the chase.  If she has seen me dance, then hopefully I’ve measured up.  But now, the cabeceo is all I have left to convince her to take a chance.

Then there’s the lust that hits immediately, when the tanda begins with Fumando espero (Di Sarli/Pomar), La abandone y no sabia (Tanturi/Campus), or Lo pasao paso (Di Sarli/Rufino), and to these I feel that I must dance – they are tangazos!  Now there’s a desperate search to see whether one of my regular partners, who I know will dance this well, is available.  And again, I must put my trust in the cabeceo at a distance, hoping that she feels the same.

The tanda finishes, and the lust is sated.  I can return to my seat, and for a while, savour the 12 minutes that my partner and the music have given me.  The feelings of delight and satisfaction will last all night.
Bob

Buenos Aires milongas – life as a single.

Our recent stay in Buenos Aires led me to reflect much more on the milonga experience, particularly to compare the “singles” and “couples/groups” milongas.

When a couple enters a predominantly ‘singles’ milonga in Buenos Aires, they are usually placed in a back corner and become invisible. Tango in BsAs for me is, despite visiting with my partner, largely about dancing as a single – then the full essence of tango has a chance of being experienced.

It’s not about the figures and the display on the dance-floor; it’s about people and about tango music, and how they can achieve a connection. It’s about social communion and an expression of the temporary relationship with our partner through the music & dance.

The milonga is a unique socio-cultural experience that begins with entering the salon. As a foreigner, it’s more difficult to be accepted, but you need to enter believing that you belong there, and it needs so show – it’s confidence, not presumptuousness or arrogance. I always accept that I am a guest in their milongas and I am going to respect that by adhering strictly to their codes.

It helps to get to know the organizers – more easily done by regularly attending the same milongas each week (rather than a trying to sample too many) and expressing thanks for the efforts which the organisers put into staging each milonga – and it is a huge effort & increasingly expensive to stage. Developing a relationship with the organisers does help in being seated favourably in the milonga – which means having good visual access to potential partners.

The use of the cabeceo is non-negotiable in reputable milongas. For someone new to a milonga, it can be hard work – particularly getting that first dance. However, once others have seen the quality of your dancing & musicality - and your observation of the codes - it becomes a little easier (for leaders, good line-of-dance is essential; for both leaders & followers, dancing in the considerate and understated style of the locals is admired). Getting a dance with the best & most popular dancers in the milonga takes persistence, and may require several visits to that milonga to achieve. But that’s part of the challenge of dancing as a single – the unknown.

A defining moment always comes when taking up the embrace. It tells your partner a lot about your technique, your confidence, your physical connection …. and that creates a mentality that can underpin the whole tanda; the very first step is also significant in communicating who you are and how you will relate to your partner– it needs to exude certainty ….. and for a leader, masculinity, …… for the follower, responsiveness.

During the dance, the music permeates the body and the bodies communicate constantly. We are dancing for each other, not putting on a show for those watching. This suggests that while we should make an effort to be well groomed for our partners, the concept of beautiful/handsome is irrelevant.

It follows that we become different dancers with different partners – different interpretations of the music (by both leader & follower), different emotions expressed to our partners through the dance, quite apart from the variations in embrace, timing, and technique that we feel.

The attraction of returning to the same milonga includes the anticipation of dancing with some of the same partners, knowing what to expect on the next encounter, knowing what to build on to further enhance the connection …. with that person and with the music. It’s a creative and personal pursuit.

The greatest compliment for a foreigner at a milonga is for an old milonguero or milonguera to say, “you dance like one of us”. The glow lasts well past that evening!

Have you experienced “singles” milongas in Buenos Aires? What was it like for you?

Bob