Different partners, different journeys

Ladies, we may sometimes lament the gender imbalance at milongas.  Perhaps we dance less than we’d like.  But have you considered some of the advantages of our role in tango? 

After Marta’s milonga Wednesday night (El Rodríguez), I was reminded how lucky we can be … if we are patient.  During that milonga I experienced three truly memorable tandas with men I had never previously danced with.  And each one was so very different!

D took me on a whirling flight through energetic D’Arienzo valses.   His strong dissociation and control meant our turns were so tight, we were like the vortex of a tornado.  Yet our movement was contained and couples around us remained undisturbed.

I caught the eye of S when I heard the introduction of a romantic Di Sarli tango.  His response to the music felt like waves in the ocean.  Carrying us gently, suspending at the crest of the wave and then accelerating downwards. 

Troilo’s tangos get a lot of coverage here, I’m happy to say.  I noticed a man trying to invite me when a Troilo tanda started.  Not having seen him dance, I looked away.  Fortunately, two lovely local ladies at my table, quickly reassured me that I should definitely not pass up that offer.  C took me on a nuanced musical journey, taking time to savour moments in the music and attentively responding to my responses.

To be ready for such diverse, special experiences in the milonga, good technique/body control is needed, allowing me to respond to a variety of movement possibilities.  The woman’s role also requires her to simultaneously follow the music … as well as her partner’s interpretation of it.  She doesn’t “just follow the lead”.

Finally, mindset is critical.  If I had had a preconceived idea of the dance, eg. dancing certain figures; being determined to display decorations; etc., then I would have missed out on the magic.  Being flexible and open to my partner is pivotal.  That’s when it gets interesting.  As in life!

Pat

Why chatting and dancing tango don't mix

Well, for a start, having a conversation while dancing seems to miss the point of tango.  Unfortunately, it can be rather anti-social, too.


So, let's re-imagine and replay this scene:
You're at a milonga, and the DJ starts playing a tanda of romantic Di Sarli.  You're in luck when your favourite Di Sarli partner looks in your direction.

As you dance, you begin to feel that the 'tango angels' are watching over you.  You are completely in the moment.  The connection with your partner and the music is deep, and at the same time heavenly.  This is the blissful and elusive experience sought after by dancers.  And when it happens, it gives you goose-bumps.

But suddenly, you are brought back to Earth.  A neighbouring couple's continued conversation while dancing has broken your trance.  You can't help but overhear the discussion about a recent movie, which they could easily have conducted elsewhere.  Are they unaware of the wonderful opportunity which they are missing?

You also happen to notice that their navigation on the busy floor has been affected.  Preoccupied with sharing views of the movie, the man is unable to pay enough attention to leading his partner, and experiences some near-misses with surrounding couples.  In fact, you have to take evasive action to protect your partner.

What to do?  Do you say anything at all?  Do you put your index finger to your lips, discreetly suggesting that they be quiet?  Or do you do nothing, but shake your head and grumble to yourself about their lack of awareness?
PP

On another note, imagine that you find yourself dancing with someone who also wants to chat.  What do you do?  For a few options, take a look at Talk and tango? I just can't do it.

Thanks to Los Angeles Tango Academy for the pictures

Without the pause, there is no tango

In this interview, Gabriel Misse talks about the importance of the milonga - where, he says, real traditional tango is danced.

Among his thoughts he also states: You have no pause, you have no tango. This got us  reflecting on how much we value the pause, as crucial to connection and musicality.  However, it's not easy.
Here's some food for thought:

What dancers might be experiencing at a pause

• What's he doing now? (anxiety, apprehension, tension in the body, readiness to leap into an anticipated movement)
• People might be watching me now that I've stopped (self-conciousness)
• I don't think I have enough control to lead the pause effectively, and then hold it (fear of failure)
• Ahh, I can put both feet down now, and have a rest (balance problems)
• I'm not sure I can get the timing right moving out of the pause (lack of confidence in skills)
• What figure is he going to do next? (brain in overdrive)
• This feels beautiful. I'll savour the intimacy of this shared moment.

Certainly, the pause can be challenging until it's mastered.  But it's definitely worth the effort!

... and finally, a quote from Carlos Gavito:

I believe that tango isn't the dancing step but rather it's what's between one step and the next, where there's nothing, where the silences are, where the memory and remembered things are.

Intention

If you've learned to dance the man's role in tango, you may have been urged to dance with more intention. Especially as a beginner dancer, any tentativeness or indecision would probably have been identified. You would have been reminded that even a hint of uncertainty is immediately apparent in your partner's response .... or lack of it!

As a consequence, you may have also formed the impression that dancing with intention is only important in the man's role. That the woman simply follows what the man proposes in the dance. And perhaps this is so ... in the early stages.

However, most experienced dancers will confirm that there is much more to the woman's role than "just following".

Dancing well in the woman's role means responding to the music and to the man's proposal without anticipation and haste. When she moves to the music it is with conviction, commitment and confidence.

Perhaps not so different to the intention required in the man's role??

Here are two performance treats, both embodying intention.
PP

Can another body be seen as an extension of your own?

Have you experienced a strong connection with a partner when dancing tango? Ever wondered where that might come from?

Well, there seem to be some scientific explanations for the phenomenon. Thanks Alex Tango Fuego for sharing this fascinating Scientific American article.

Are you really there for your partner?

I was initially attracted to tango by what I saw and heard when couples were dancing. Obviously, it was an observer's response. Then, I tried to recreate what I had observed.

Like the peeling away layers of an onion, it dawned on me much later that the experience of genuinely dancing tango is largely private, unseen and incredibly satisfying.

Good technique can be taught and developed ....
... frequently listening to tango music will improve your appreciation and response....
....... both will enhance your dance a great deal.
But, in my view, they won't get you beyond a certain point unless you have the right attitude.

So .. what is your state of mind when you dance tango?

Does the music compel you to seek out a dance partner? (Or do you dance to whatever music is put on?)

.... then, are you really present for your partner?

Do you listen to your partner throughout the dance?

..... so, are you always doing your best to connect with your partner and his/her response to the music?

Is your dance governed by the music and your partner? (Or is the next figure your dominant thought?)

.... once again, do you really listen to your partner at each moment of the dance?

Are you prepared to give yourself to your partner? (This implies trust, of course.)

.... and is it your intention to make each part of the dance pleasurable for your partner?


If so, and if your partner is doing the same, then chances are that you may both experience a lovely connection.  You know the sort I mean?  It leaves you floating on air at the end of the tanda (and just a teensy bit sad), as though you were returning to reality from another dimension.

So, what do YOU want when you dance tango? Just a bit of fun on the dance-floor? Or do you want more?

PP

Reflections on leading & following

"Leading" and "following" are such inadequate labels for what happens when we really dance tango. 

On the other hand, I can't think of alternative concise verbs as effective replacements.  "Male and female roles" might be useful terms, but that assumes a common understanding of these roles. I'm a traditionalist in tango, and feel that the man does initiate, the woman responds and then he responds to her, and so on....  Of course, this is all driven by the music.

Tango Therapist's latest post (a poem) captures some of the subtle and hard-to-describe interaction between the dancers of tango and the music - it goes well beyond the crude "lead & follow" terminology.

PP

Budding tango relationships

No, I’m not referring to those fleeting relationships typified by an invitation to have a ‘cafecito’ after the milonga. For those unfamiliar with this euphemism, the expectation is to share more than a cup of coffee! 

She has observed & approved of his dancing and his conduct in the milonga.  He, too, has noticed her elegance and entrega. So begins the game of visually seeking out the other for the first time.

Still metres from her table, he approaches, maintaining eye contact, thus confirming their agreement to dance.  Only then does she rise from her seat, in a heightened state of anticipation, wondering whether her observations will be confirmed when she accepts his embrace.

As she places her upper body against his, his embrace encloses her into a respectful cocoon of safety and comfort. She relaxes and they begin to move together to the music.  

He suggests simple movements, intuitively assessing her responses. She feels his responses to her. They gradually become familiar with each other’s idiosyncrasies, nuances, musical sensitivities and imperfections. During the 12 minutes of the tanda, they begin a non-verbal conversation which slowly gains more depth - the start of a journey of mutual discovery to be continued at a future milonga when their paths cross again.

PP 

That Buenos Aires embrace

What is it that typifies the tango embrace in traditional milongas of Buenos Aires? 

Firstly, no fear
No fear of one's partner. No apprehension about whether you will make mistakes. No concern about what onlookers may think. It's about surrendering to your partner, the music and the moment.

Becoming one with your partner
Mould yourself onto your partner's body, without compromising your axis. The embrace is relaxed, secure and comfortable for both, and not crippled by poor posture.

Man's embrace
While she 'stands up for her man' with a relaxed, good posture, his embrace provides security, conveying confidence and certainty. This allows her to surrender to the journey - his gift to her - knowing he will protect her all along the way.

You embrace your partner as though you really mean it. Let them in to become as one. Make a commitment for the tanda. There should be no 'maybe'.


You may also experience this elsewhere - not just in Buenos Aires. It is certainly how I like the embrace. What are your preferences?
PP

What really matters

Some developments in the world of tango make it all too easy to lose sight of the essence of the dance.   Youtube videos of professional dancers performing amazing sequences proliferate on the internet.   Students of tango can be easily seduced into wanting to emulate such riveting performances.  As a result, some teachers seem to cater for perceived customer demand and feel that they should teach tricky tango moves.

I'll be blunt.  For people really interested in tango (the social dance), this approach is a useless distraction.  In my experience, it tends to result in a superficial experience, at best; a battleground of arms and legs, at worst.

On the other hand, the satisfaction and joy which comes from a deep connection with a partner and the music is magical.  Who can forget that sense of being at one and completely in the moment.  This is something to be treasured, when it happens.  The often-used image of four legs, one heart is so apt.

Dancing as one may seem simple, but can be difficult to achieve - even without distractions!  We should be completely carried by the music, which may be unfamiliar.  Body-control is required, yet we need to be relaxed, not worrying about what's coming next.  We need to be comfortable in the embrace.  Leading and following are subtle - yet crystal clear.  This results in improvisation and creativity, but not at the expense of one's partner.

So, focus on what really matters.
Dance as ONE.  Dance to the MUSIC.  Dance in the NOW.

PP

The Gift

The woman had been dancing for only a short while, but had the ability to give herself to the tango & her partner. Later, she told a friend: “It felt like I was being taken on a tour of a village that he knew well, pointing out the important and interesting places to me, the places that he loved. It was like receiving a gift.”

The man obviously knew the music well, knew its changing dynamic, its different emotional highpoints. The woman was prepared to listen to his body and move with his energy. He felt privileged by the trust that had been given.

No figures and sequences, no choreography or show, just two people, the music, and entrega.

Bob

Ladies in waiting

No, this isn’t a reference to serving the royals, but rather a key element of the dance. Anticipation by followers is a hazard for their leaders and can destroy the timing & interpretation of the music that defines each tango; it also affects the leaders’ balance & posture as well as making them tense & watchful – not great for improvisation. I’m talking about guessing at what’s coming next & stepping into it, rather than intuitiveness with regard to timing & rhythms that comes with long experience.

So what can help women wait for the lead (a proposal) instead of moving ahead of her partner? Maybe looking at some possible causes will provide some clues. I’d suggest that it begins in the woman’s head – does she have confidence in her own skills and trust in her partner? From the beginner, who can do no more than walk well with good posture, to the dancer who has a broad range of well-developed skills, she needs to have a sense of self-belief – a belief that she can do what she does well - regardless of the partner (provided, of course, he can lead effectively). This confidence will translate to her being prepared to wait for a clear, well-timed lead – after all, rushing ahead can mean the moment is lost, whereas if she takes her time, the man has no alternative but to wait for her.

Clearly, this assumes that the man leads in a manner that will generate trust in his partner. He needs to quickly assess what his partner can do well, and dance within that range in order to make it an enjoyable tango for them both. He also needs to subscribe to the principle that he leads (proposes), the woman follows (listens and then responds in her own time), and he follows her (when the music invites). Which sounds very much like the leader needs to listen to and wait for the follower!

In fact, it’s that constant & well-timed two-way communication between the two bodies which can result in a truly satisfying tango.

So what can you (leader or follower) do if you find yourself dancing with a partner who doesn’t wait?

Bob

Who's afraid of close embrace?

We all need it! We all love it! But are you afraid of a hug?

The close embrace is a defining feature of traditional tango. Within that comfortable, safe hug, we can relax, and allow our bodies to respond naturally to the music and communicate non-verbally.

Movement invites Movement compares the "frame" of Ballroom Dancing with the tango embrace in one of their blogs. Take a look. I know which option I prefer.

I love how Osvaldo Centena and Ana Maria Schapira are totally connected within their wonderful embrace as they dance to this D'Arienzo classic.



PP

Getting the music

Most milongueros would say that “getting” the music is the first priority when dancing tango. After all, tango is a feeling that is danced. So for most of us, who weren’t listening to tango while still in the womb, we have a little catching up to do!

It’s not only about the rhythm, the phrases are also very important. And of course, we can dance to the melody. For some of us, individual instruments may seize our attention ....... they may be playful or intense, etc. In the end, it’s all about how the music speaks to us at the time. And because the music has several layers, our response to it is likely to be different each time we dance. Isn’t that part of the fun?

Interestingly, I find myself “re-discovering” tangos which I’d previously neglected. Without a doubt, listening to the music a lot allows the brain and the body to respond better, to tune in more effectively to the nuances and opportunities which the music offers. So my advice is to listen to tango music frequently. For anyone wanting to start or improve their music collection, Stephen & Susan Brown’s recommendations are a great start. For lovingly restored recordings, Keith Elshaw is your man.

Teachers of tango have a major responsibility here, too. We all need to be nurturing our students with danceable tango music, and it should be appropriate to their skill level. There should be an obvious connection between the music and the skills being taught. No, it’s not “rocket science”. Yet, too often one hears of complex figures more suited to the stage being pursued relentlessly by teachers, even though their students may lack fundamental skills. What could be the point of this, when the pre-requisites for tango bliss are good connection with the music & one’s partner, and a nice embrace?

PP

Dancing as equals

While chatting with a local lady in El Arranque (a milonga in BsAs) about the nature of ‘connection’ in tango, she said that “the man and woman need to dance as equals if they are to truly achieve connection in tango.”

This made me examine my mentality when I dance with ladies whose skills and experience vary greatly. For example, many of the women with whom I dance at milongas in my home city, are those that I have taught or currently teach - including beginners. Elsewhere, including in BsAs, I have danced with some women who force me to work hard to simply maintain my axis, and with others who are acclaimed ‘maestras’.

The question I had to ask myself was: "How can we dance as equals?" For me, it's about how I approach the relationship with the woman I'm going to dance with. If there's any thought, for example, of superiority on my part or inferiority on hers, then the relationship we are seeking is doomed from the start, and there’ll be no chance of that elusive connection in our tango. If I have any feeling of anxiety or intimidation when I dance with women who are clearly more experienced and skilled than me, then I won’t experience connection with them in the embrace.

And this is what I found in BsAs - the women I danced with love tango. Some sang in my ear. We danced for each other - there was nothing in our brief relationships that suggested anything but equality. We used all of our skills to bring the music into our dance, and we brought ourselves confidently into a collaborative relationship. I felt we were dancing as equals – and that’s the only way tango can be danced, in my opinion.

There is no reason why this mentality can’t prevail wherever I dance tango – but it needs to be shared – the women need to feel this way too: they need to feel self-confident and they need to trust.

Bob

Milongueros in action

I’m delighted! At last, I’ve found a series of Youtube videos featuring milongueros of Buenos Aires doing what they love – not performing, but dancing socially in the milonga.

That’s when they’re at their best: feeling the music, dancing with real connection to their partner; dancing with and for her, and at the same time, showing the utmost consideration for dancers around them.

They keep their partner safe in their embrace, allowing her to relax and respond calmly & intuitively. You can see the look of serenity, almost meditation, on the faces of the women in these videos. Tangopilgrim hit the nail on the head, when quoting his teacher: The most important dance is the one that happens inside us.

Don’t do anything, unless you feel you have to. And do anything that you feel you have to do. (Tangopilgrim)
These milongueros and their partners are dancing in the moment. They are both being carried by the demands of the music and all its rhythmic variations, and savouring each second.

Thanks, Irene and Man Yung (video above) and Jantango , for recording and posting these gems on your sites.

PP

Talk & tango? I just can’t do it!

Have you ever started dancing with someone who wanted to have a chat while accompanying you around the pista? What was the outcome? How was the tango?

Many of us can multi-task quite successfully. But this combination does not work for me at all, and I suspect that I’m not alone. Today, while listening to my ipod, mercifully distracted from a dental procedure, I pondered why this might be so.

Music generates emotional & physical responses. Its influence can be energetic, calming, soporific, romantic, melancholic, joyful, etc. Understanding the lyrics isn’t a pre-requisite, at all, although it enhances the experience. Our brains are hard-wired to get the musical message (Daniel Levitin). Dancing is a physical expression of that. So whether or not we’re aware of it, my partner and I, together, are physically responding to the emotions evoked when a piece of music calls us to the floor. I like to make the most of the tanda with my partner, and if we’re lucky, we may experience that addictive tango-zone.

While dancing, chatting about a recent good film or a mutual friend, will simply interfere with that strong, but fleeting connection. It reminds me of those annoying TV commercials which pop up inappropriately at critical moments during a movie. No chance there of being transported by the dance!

Then there’s the complexity of much tango music, with so many delicious improvisational possibilities. Choreographed patterns of dance learned by rote can allow for talk. After all, the body already knows what it’s going to do. But to improvise, in other words to dance “in the moment”, your attention needs to be dedicated to the music and your partner. The concept of entrega is about abandoning yourself to your partner and the music … just for that tanda, of course. Little wonder that milongueros don’t get up to dance to just any music. They’re choosy about their music and partners. When they dance, they put ‘all the meat on the fire’ todo la carne en la parilla.

So what do you do if your partner wants to tango and talk?

1. Go with the flow and chat for the remainder of the tanda
2. Say “Thank-you” and return to your table
3. Ignore the talk. If you don’t respond, it may stop eventually.
4. Simply admit: “I’m not able to dance tango and talk at the same time”. Hopefully the message will be clear.
5. Never dance with that person again

What do you think?
Pat.

Embrace me like you really want to dance tango

Tango is music and we can dance to it, but without an embrace, I’m not dancing tango – I’m doing something else. I make my connection with the music, with my partner, with the floor through the embrace. It’s my medium of communication – I propose a movement to my partner, she responds, I follow – our bodies communicate this through the embrace. Of course, I’m talking close embrace, and when I’m in Buenos Aires in particular, that means chest to belly contact – then we dance as one.

Taking up the embrace with a new partner is a defining moment. I take up the embrace with very clear intent. I want my partner to know that I feel confident with her, to reassure her that I know how to dance well, that I will keep her safe as she is led into the unknown, to create a feeling of trust. At the same time, my partner will communicate a lot to me when she takes up my embrace: I will be able to sense her love of tango, the strength of her frame (if she presents a weak right arm, then the dance may be compromised immediately), her willingness to surrender (entregarse). We are exchanging knowledge about each other - a lot of information flows back and forth at that moment, and almost immediately we create expectations and sense how we are going to approach the dance.

With a good embrace, I can lead one step then pause - we are able to wait-feel-listen while being transported by the music. With a good embrace, I feel confident that we can improvise and navigate regardless of the crowd. With a good embrace there is an intimacy, with energy flowing continuously between my partner, me and the music. Only with a good embrace can I dance tango.

Much has been written about the embrace and the following quotes encapsulate its essence for me:

• Mari in her tango diaries says: “Hold me like it’s personal”. She also writes about the ‘entrega’ mentioned above.
  
• Stephanie in her blog writes: “the embrace is about who you are and your ability to communicate that to another”
  
• Finally, Johanna in her blog ‘I’m so easy to please’ gets to the heart of the matter with a piece of fundamental advice: “Just embrace me like you mean it.”
  

And for those searching for the perfect embrace, a starting point could be the advice (at 2m30s) from one of our favourite couples, Melina & Detlef - men, give your partner a genuine hug, then take up her right hand.

Just do it.

So what do you want from the embrace?

Bob

Extension, suspension & relaxation? Parallel & cross systems?

What does it mean to dance with extension, suspension & relaxation?
How can you capture those special moments in the music?
That's what we'll be focussing on in the Monday class in January.

What's the use of parallel and cross systems?
On Tuesdays this month, we'll be looking at how to exploit both systems.

As always, Melina and Detlef are a treat in this video. I love how they use those skills to express the romantic intensity of the Di Sarli tango, then the playful Donato vals.

Pat.

The man's left hand

Everything is connected to everything else. And the position of the man's left hand can make a big difference, as you will see in this article from Tango and Chaos.

So guys, compare your style to the pictures in this article, and see how the left hand's position can affect your dance. The Tray of Martinis tip sounds fun, too!

Pat