Different partners, different journeys

Ladies, we may sometimes lament the gender imbalance at milongas.  Perhaps we dance less than we’d like.  But have you considered some of the advantages of our role in tango? 

After Marta’s milonga Wednesday night (El Rodríguez), I was reminded how lucky we can be … if we are patient.  During that milonga I experienced three truly memorable tandas with men I had never previously danced with.  And each one was so very different!

D took me on a whirling flight through energetic D’Arienzo valses.   His strong dissociation and control meant our turns were so tight, we were like the vortex of a tornado.  Yet our movement was contained and couples around us remained undisturbed.

I caught the eye of S when I heard the introduction of a romantic Di Sarli tango.  His response to the music felt like waves in the ocean.  Carrying us gently, suspending at the crest of the wave and then accelerating downwards. 

Troilo’s tangos get a lot of coverage here, I’m happy to say.  I noticed a man trying to invite me when a Troilo tanda started.  Not having seen him dance, I looked away.  Fortunately, two lovely local ladies at my table, quickly reassured me that I should definitely not pass up that offer.  C took me on a nuanced musical journey, taking time to savour moments in the music and attentively responding to my responses.

To be ready for such diverse, special experiences in the milonga, good technique/body control is needed, allowing me to respond to a variety of movement possibilities.  The woman’s role also requires her to simultaneously follow the music … as well as her partner’s interpretation of it.  She doesn’t “just follow the lead”.

Finally, mindset is critical.  If I had had a preconceived idea of the dance, eg. dancing certain figures; being determined to display decorations; etc., then I would have missed out on the magic.  Being flexible and open to my partner is pivotal.  That’s when it gets interesting.  As in life!

Pat

Every little bit counts

After more than a week of dancing in traditional Buenos Aires milongas, I’m reminded of some of the social niceties which contribute to a harmonious dance floor as well as an enjoyable individual experience.  (Not a word about cabeceo here.  That topic has already had plenty of coverage.)

Each and every dancer makes a positive contribution to the milonga by:

* taking care of personal hygiene beforehand & avoiding strong scents

* changing into dance shoes in the bathrooms or away from the dance floor 

* when not dancing, ensuring that they aren’t blocking others’ line of sight. If standing to catch someone’s eye, then stand behind the tables

* entering the dance floor with care, with the man seeking and getting the nod of approval from the oncoming leader, and then entering before his partner, to protect her. Start to dance immediately, thus avoiding holdups 

* not eating/chewing while dancing

* chatting only in between songs on the dance floor. Need more time? Then sit down to have a conversation. Chatting while dancing spoils the tanda for dancers around you

* dancing small, keeping feet on the floor, especially in a busy milonga 

* dancing in the ronda, in your lane - neither tailgating nor holding up couples behind you 

* avoiding contact with other couples. Any collisions, even minor, warrant an apology or at least an acknowledgement 

* escorting ladies back to their table

* clearing the floor efficiently during the cortina.

I love how these small things - put together - add up to something greater than their sum.  Congratulations to dancers at La Milonguita in Adelaide who do this so well!

Pat

Codes and cabeceo

Interested in some of the finer points of  of the milonga codes and cabeceo?  Unsure how they might be of benefit?

Popular Argentine dancer and teacher, Oscar Casas, speaks of his experiences in this short interview:

Creative contradictions

Life seems to be full of interesting contradictions and paradoxes. Have you noticed that tango is no exception?

Music and lyrics
The music suggests one thing, and the lyrics often say another

Looking into the music and lyrics of tango, you might be rather surprised by the apparently contradictory elements. The lyrics of tango are highly emotive, frequently melancholy and sometimes simply tragic. On the other hand, the accompanying music is physically engaging, often surprisingly upbeat - thus beckoning us onto the dance-floor (at least with a good DJ at the helm).

Originally, of course, these lyrics were written to tell human stories that the everyday person could relate to. Perhaps the music's contribution is there to enable us to experience universal human emotions through dance - also allowing us to dance away our cares for a while?

Expressing of emotions and personal space
Publicly we experience and express emotions in the arms of another person - possibly not our life partner

It comes as no surprise that social tango brings with it seemingly conflicting demands. At the root of this, perhaps is the expression of emotion in a public place. There is also the intimate physical contact with, at times, a stranger.  When two people connect through the feeling in the music, their passing, shared intimate experience may be exposed to observation and to potential comment.

So, it makes sense that the following codes (etiquette) evolved, and still have merit:

• Despite the intense and emotive nature of some tango music, the expression of it through dance is contained. Dancers are led by the music, so the couple may experience  a powerful response. But this is not overtly demonstrated for all to see.

• When a tango comes to an end, the couple does not maintain the embrace in any way. It is no more than a three minute romance, with no further implications. At the end of even the most romantic tanda, the lady is escorted back to her table, the man returns to his - and that is that.

Some might reject the codigos as having no place in our modern tango world, far the Buenos Aires of old. But I find that these elegant strategies allow us to enjoy the dynamics of the milonga. We are not hampered by any expectation that the three minute romance will continue beyond the dance-floor. Nor are we concerned with any speculation by onlookers about actual or imagined romantic liaisons.

The couple and the others in the ronda
A couple dance together, but they also dance with the other couples

Social tango allows each dancer to surrender to their partner and to the music. The dance is not primarily for the benefit of onlookers, but rather for the couple's enjoyment. Abandoning oneself like this can lead to a profound sense of satisfaction and joy.

Yet, a dance-floor full of couples giving unbridled expression to the music sounds downright dangerous! To avoid chaos, a couple dances with other couples in the ronda. They enter the ronda with care, the leader navigates, they move in harmony with the music, and both dancers contain their movements out of consideration for those around them. How else would it be possible for everyone on the dance-floor to enjoy themselves - without distraction and without fear of injury? When these competing demands are managed well, the ronda is blissfully harmonious. And being a part of that can feel almost magical.

Other 'contradictions' come to mind, such as:

• the benefits of disciplined technique, in order to improvise spontaneously 

• how a good 'leader' actually follows the 'follower'

Perhaps you can think of others ...

It seems to me that the resolution of these competing demands has actually created (rather than limited) the possibility of rich experiences for dancers. Perhaps, this could in part, explain the deep attraction of social tango.

PP

By the way, I've been reading Jordan Peterson's thoughts on Life, and reckon that what he has to say about finding a balance between chaos and order is relevant to these ' Creative contradictions' in tango. I particularly like his example of surfing in Hawaiian culture: "When a surfer mastered a wave, he was physically embodying the balance between order and chaos".
Does the relevance to social tango seem a bit far-fetched? I'm not so sure.

Spot the beginner

A: "There she is. She's a beginner - she needs some advice. I'll give her the benefit of my expertise. After all, she'll feel grateful that someone with my experience is getting her up to dance."
(Why do some people feel the need to do this??)

B: "I was pushed and pulled all over the place. He was showing off, trying to get me to do his tricks. I had no idea what he wanted me to do, and I was made to feel like an idiot with everyone watching. He was in my ear all the time, telling me what to do - I couldn't focus on the music. Then, he used the breaks in the tanda to demonstrate figures to me. I'm new to tango and simply didn't know how to deal with the situation. I love the music, the dance, the connection, but after that, I just felt like going home."

Of course, there's an equivalent scenario with the roles reversed.

The fundamental element missing above is RESPECT. A good tango dancer (not necessarily one with lots of years of experience) will respect his/her partner - won't give unsolicited advice in the milonga, and will dance in a manner that is appropriate to the partner's current ability. The good dancer will, in fact, be able to enhance his/her partner's dancing as the tanda progresses. Yes, we may want to give our partner the benefit of our expertise, but that can be achieved through HOW we dance with them.

A good male dancer, for example, will start the tanda with a new partner by walking with sensitivity to the music - monitoring his partner's responses and accommodating, in order to instil confidence. Then maybe some small backward ochos, taking time to ensure that she completes her pivot before the next step, and being very explicit with the leads. The focus is on his partner, ensuring that she is comfortable and that the communication is working. Above all, a good dancer will respond to the music so she FEELS it through his body and his movements. During the tanda he'll check that she's feeling OK. You may ask: What about him? Well, this tanda is all about HER, as he does his best to convince her that tango is a dance of love - in many aspects.

So, how could a beginner deal with the humiliating treatment described earlier? She doesn't want to be labelled a snob by turning men away, thereby possibly reducing the chances of men inviting her to dance. On the other hand, she doesn't want to feel like someone's plaything.

Think of it this way: when it comes to unwelcome behaviours, tango is no different to other social situations. If she doesn't like what's happening to her, she doesn't have to put up with it. She could say something like:

• "I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable with this right now. I'd rather sit down."
• "I'm really not able to talk and dance at the same time."
• "Thanks, but I need to sit down."

And in future, it's best to avoid the situation by actively using the cabeceo, and avoiding the gaze of certain people. It also pays to be armed with a response for unwelcome direct approaches - commonly used on beginners. If you'd rather not dance with someone, try something simple like: "Thanks, but not right now."

BTW. What do I mean by a 'good tango dancer'?
Someone who respects his/her partner and strives to make the tanda a positive experience; understands and practises the codes of the milonga; feels, connects with, and expresses the music in his/her dancing, and has the skills to execute tango movements which are appropriate in the social, sometimes crowded, context.

So, in the opening scenario, could you spot the real beginner?

Bob

First principles

Definition: "The basic and most important reasons for doing or believing something" Cambridge dictionary

The social tango I know and love has many facets.  The numerous posts on this blog alone attest to that.  Some posts dealing with topics such as milonga etiquette may attract controversy.  Yet, when you distil the various issues, I believe they can be traced back to three fundamental truths.

Music is the leader
The music's rhythms, melodies and emotions guide the couple's movements.  Music is the reason and basis for their dance.  Golden Age dance music provides an inexhaustible source of inspiration.

Primacy of the embrace
A comfortable, trusting embrace enables a couple to share their intimate, emotional response to the music, allowing them to move as one.

Respect for others
As a social activity, all behaviour, including on the dance-floor, is moderated by its effects on others.  It follows that our behaviours shouldn't impact detrimentally on others, in fact our behaviours should enhance their experience. Hence the milonga codes, which evolved over decades, help us to negotiate the sensitivities of others.

Now, this may sound a little stern, but I believe that as social tango dancers, teachers and milonga organisers, our activities should stem from and be consistent with ALL three principles.  In social tango none can be ignored or neglected.
PP

Peeling the tango onion

Tango means different things to different people: music, a dance, performance art, social club, business, culture, fun. And this may determine how each person approaches it.

When it comes to social tango, there appears to be a series of layers that dancers may or may not progress through - depending on their personal pursuit. Something like peeling an onion (tears and all!). Here's one way of looking at it:

• The outer layer - the thin veneer that coats the onion. It's the initial discovery of tango - often through being dazzled by seeing others dance and thinking "I want to do that"


• Then comes the time to take the plunge - wanting to emulate what was observed.  Numerous layers involve learning skills - posture, walk, a range of simple movement combinations useful in the milonga.  It can take years to achieve true competence.
  Can dancers be content to remain here?


• Along with this comes further cultivation of the embrace, clear body communication, navigation, subtle leads and unhurried responses, as well as milonga etiquette.
  This begs the question: How established does the previous foundation need to be in order to progress more deeply into these layers?


• Beneath this we have an even sweeter layer: Musicality, which means using the body memory, not the head, responding intuitively to the nuances of the music; navigation that flows and is immediately responsive to any change encountered.  The earlier layers are essential for success here, because this heralds the growth of improvisation, varied dynamics and pauses. What was once familiar now starts appearing in different forms.
  Is this the layer that many dancers see as their final goal?


• Perhaps the core has yet to be reached.  We get closer to it when we start dancing the feeling.  Moving from the external to the internal seems a good description of where this layer takes us: where we rely on the emotions evoked by the music.
  How much better is this if we also understand the lyrics?


• I'd suggest that there's perhaps one last layer - or the core - which involves embodying the culture of tango whenever we step into a milonga.
  Is it possible to achieve this without immersing oneself in the traditional milongas of Buenos Aires?

 

It's not difficult to imagine the unpacking of matryoshka (Russian dolls) as another metaphor for tango's challenging journey of discovery.

Bob

How big is a baldosa?

Dancing in busy milongas requires a couple of important elements: specific dance skills and a social mind-set.  Together they allow you to enjoy your dance, as well as allowing couples around you to enjoy theirs.

Nowhere is that more the case than the busy milongas of Buenos Aires, where the above elements are oftern referred to as the ability to bailar en una baldosa (dance on a tile).  Last Monday, at one of our favourite Buenos Aires milongas, they were much needed.  It is normally a busy milonga, but the public holiday (Labour Day) brought out more dancers than usual, many of whom are not regulars.

Some were good dancers, who, according to one of my dance partners, don't get out often during the week due to work commitments.  So, you might think "the more, the merrier".  However, after the first hour or two of the milonga, the floor was very busy indeed.  Couples were dancing shoulder to shoulder.  It became clear that some of those dancers who initially had looked good, weren't coping too well with conditions that they perhaps were not accustomed to.

As you read this, you might be asking yourself: How would she know?  The answer quite simply is that they were disturbing couples nearby.  It looked like they were either unable to modify their dancing to suit the conditions, or were blissfully unaware of how their dancing was disturbing those around them.  (Another unfortunate possibility might be that they didn't care).

In stark contrast, the majority of dancers were coping well with the challenging conditions.  What these dancers were doing included reducing the size of their movements, doing tight turns, making full use of the space efficiently with the man's default position facing the tables, being able to spontaneously change direction in the dance, etc., while still maintaining their musicality.  Interested in successful navigation strategies?  Take a look at the illustrations devoted to this topic in Tango and Chaos.

So, how big is a baldosa? As small as it needs to be to suit the conditions on the dance-floor!
PP

Choose your partners carefully

There’s value in seeking out particular partners to dance your favourite D’Arienzo tanda, Tanturi valses, or a Di Sarli/Rufino tanda.  You know who dances these in the style you enjoy.

But what about all of your other partners?  By this, I mean the other couples already on the floor!  It may be wise to survey the line of dance for a moment, before entering the ronda.  You probably have no desire to dance in front or behind a couple who are dancing in a dangerous fashion (high boleos, large unpredictable movements, poor body control, etc.).  And then there are the couples who are dancing to the music in a manner very different to how you would, e.g. you may prefer to dance to some Pugliese slowly, without any complex moves, whereas your neighbouring couple may be fast & furious!  This will certainly disrupt your focus on the music.  It certainly distracts me! So, look for couples who will dance in a way that complements you  ….. and men, there’s also a lot to be gained by dancing behind a very good male dancer!

When I visualise dancing at my favourite milongas, I see a crowded floor, with my dance space on the outside ronda being no more than a ‘baldosa’ – maybe one metre square.  Yet, there is rarely a bump, because the dancing reflects the music very well, and the navigation skills of most leaders allow them to incorporate their neighbours’ movements into their own.  In this milonga, despite its busyness, I can normally relax with my partners, because I trust most of the other leaders that surround me.
Bob

It's all about the milonga

What draws you to tango?
People take up tango for lots of reasons, but for me, it’s all about the milonga.  

Some people spend a lot of time & money taking lessons, going to practicas, and milongas.  Yet, some see attending milongas as the least important, and rarely put their skills ‘on the line’.  

I’m a great believer in dancers getting explicit & expert advice on the essentials: posture, embrace, tango walk, body control, body lead, rhythm.  Then, add some fundamental tools to these essentials to enable people to improvise: ochos, cross, simple turns, etc.  A good teacher will blend these essentials & tools into functional movements.  Now the dancers must practise, and a practica is the most appropriate place, as well a safe place to get constructive feedback.  

At some stage, however, the dancer needs to take the plunge: attend milongas, do a lot of watching & listening, and have the occasional dance with a trusted partner. It will be pretty obvious that the milonga is very different to a practica – intimidating is a fair description to the novice. Gradually skills & confidence develop with regular milonga attendance, just as familiarity with potential partners will grow.

Compare this with taking up a new sport. You are taught the fundamentals at training week after week, then you play practice matches before the season starts, and the main event is ‘the game’.  No-one wants to go through the season playing just the occasional match – likewise, tango dancers shouldn’t be satisfied dancing in the milonga just now and again (or never!!).

What is the magic of a good milonga that makes you want to keep coming back? 
For a start, like the sports match, it’s the real thing.  It’s a total experience - venue, music, the dancers, the etiquette, the energy - and the delicious challenge of the unexpected.   Maybe the magic is the personal connection we have with particular milongas - El Maipu and Lujos (video below) in Buenos Aires are two that come to my mind.

Bob

Things my mother taught me

When guests come to your home for the first time, you show them in, you introduce them to other people who are present. You help them to feel at ease.

So, in your experience, do milonga organisers make you feel welcome and show you where there are free seats?  Or are you expected to fend for yourself after paying your entry fee? As a newcomer, are you introduced to a few dancers, to help ease you into the local scene?

When going out, I was expected to make an effort with my attire and grooming.  It showed respect and appreciation to my hosts and fellow guests.

Isn't it lovely when men and women at the milonga have donned some nice clothes for the event, which also helps them leave their day-to-day lives at home, at least for a little while.

When wanting to engage in conversation with someone, I learned to read the other person's body language first, to see whether they might be interested in talking with me.

It's wonderful to see more and more people in milongas confidently using the cabeceo, the "Are you interested in dancing with me?" non-verbal form of invitation.

My mother also taught me to say "No", when I felt uncomfortable.

So, I don't understand why otherwise assertive women put up with some dance partners' behaviour. Are they afraid of hurting his feelings? What about their own feelings and self-respect?

If we bump into someone while walking down the footpath, we automatically apologise, and pay more attention as we walk on.

How many times have you been bumped or kicked while dancing at a milonga, with no acknowledgement from the perpetrator, let alone an apology? Nowadays this is infrequent in Adelaide, but it does shock me when it happens.


Should the milonga be any different to other social situations, when it comes to common courtesy? I think not.  Yet, why do some people forget what their mother taught them, when they go to a milonga?

Maybe it's a question of maturing and feeling comfortable in one's tango skin, and realising that  tango is not about executing steps. It's about relating to others.

PP

Intention

If you've learned to dance the man's role in tango, you may have been urged to dance with more intention. Especially as a beginner dancer, any tentativeness or indecision would probably have been identified. You would have been reminded that even a hint of uncertainty is immediately apparent in your partner's response .... or lack of it!

As a consequence, you may have also formed the impression that dancing with intention is only important in the man's role. That the woman simply follows what the man proposes in the dance. And perhaps this is so ... in the early stages.

However, most experienced dancers will confirm that there is much more to the woman's role than "just following".

Dancing well in the woman's role means responding to the music and to the man's proposal without anticipation and haste. When she moves to the music it is with conviction, commitment and confidence.

Perhaps not so different to the intention required in the man's role??

Here are two performance treats, both embodying intention.
PP

More higher order skills for men

Dancing in El Beso can be challenging, but need not be, provided yet another higher order skill for men is employed.

Yes, the floor gets crowded, with couples closely sandwiching you at front, back and side, but the standard of dancing is high, so navigation skills are fairly well refined.  In fact, it’s this knowledge that gives me confidence – I rarely have to worry about dancers behaving inappropriately or with poor control.

But there is something else that happens – I not only dance with partner, I dance with the couples around me, particularly those directly in front and behind.  We need not be interpreting the music in exactly the same way or utilising the same small batch of figures, but there is and ebb and flow as our movements resonate with each other.  While I’m dancing with my partner, I’m constantly adjusting my position so that the other couples can use their ‘space’ relatively unimpeded; and they afford me the same courtesy.

Certainly, I am ‘in my own world’ with my partner – listening to her, responding to her, picking up the rhythms, cadences & moods of the music and responding to them too.  However, I connect with ‘my other world’ – surrounding couples, by dancing in my space and respecting theirs, which means walking and pausing, ochos cortados, vaya ven, lots of small turns, and whatever else my body (not my head) decides to do.

“Dancing in the ronda" is therefore much more than moving around the floor anti-clockwise parallel to the walls, it’s about dancing with others. 

Bob 

A higher order skill for men

What do I mean by higher order skills relevant to the male role in social tango?

Responding appropriately to the music, using the body to effectively communicate your intention and responding sensitively to your partner, are all essential. But these I consider bread and butter skills. In other words, skills which are absolutely fundamental to dancing tango.

So what is a higher order skill? Tricky figures executed in performances may come to mind, but here I'm thinking about tango only in the social context. I'm thinking of the challenge (and the pleasure) in putting those bread and butter skills into action in a busy milonga.

Early in their tango journey, most men probably feel somewhat anxious (and rightly so) at the prospect navigating a dance-floor, let alone a crowded one! A number of skills and factors come together to produce good floor-craft in a male dancer. Not least of these is self-confidence balanced with respect towards the other couples on the floor. Without both of these, even the most musical and skilled male dancer becomes a hazard to others at a milonga.

Master good floor-craft, gentlemen, so your partner can have complete confidence in your ability to protect her and to respect others. It's worth it. Do this and she will surrender to you in the dance. Now that's tango!

Just take a look at a video-clip of Lujos, one of my favourite milongas, to see what I mean.

PP

Favourite milongas

Great music, a good standard of social dancing, respectful & harmonious dance-floors and friendly organisers. That's what we look for when attending milongas in Buenos Aires.

Thanks to Carlos Neuman of Milongas Buenos Aires, you can get a taster of what to expect.  It will help you decide where you would feel comfortable. He has thoughtfully put together videos of many of the popular milongas for the entire week!

They're all delightfully different in character. Venues vary. Some cater more to solo dancers (cabeceo skills required), whereas others, especially the outer-suburban milongas, are more group-oriented. DJs play a big role in attracting regular dancers. You may see the same faces in more than one of them.

Here are a few of our haunts:

El Beso (Thursday) - watch out for the cabeceo at the start of the video

La Milonga de Buenos Aires (Friday)

La Baldosa (Friday)

Lujos (Sunday)

El Maipu (Monday):

PP

Food for thought

Ever wondered why some people don't seem to look in your direction when a new tanda starts?  There are so many possible reasons, quite apart from lack of confidence with the cabeceo-style of invitation.

Many of these possible reasons would be beyond your control eg. your height, the person's mood, musical preference, etc.  So, no need to take their lack of interest personally.

However, there are some things we can influence. In any social setting, personal hygiene, dress and the way we conduct ourselves will affect how others respond to us, of course.  And in the tango social event which we call a milonga, additional factors come into play, not least of which are your social dancing skills.  (By the way, I don't mean how many volcadas, ganchos and decorations which you can squeeze into one tango!)

• Are you easily able to dance with the music and with your partner? 
• How comfortable and enjoyable is your dancing for your partner? 
• Can you dance on a busy and disciplined dance-floor without collision or kicking someone ... and enjoy it? 

If your answer to any of these questions is in the least bit negative, then possibly you  have found an answer to the very first question.  And these things you can change ... if you want to, that is.

Veronica Toumanova has some food for thought for all of us in her piece called Why tango dancers lose interest in improving their skill.

PP

Milonga magic

Sometimes magic happens....

Yesterday's milonga did not get off to a good start, at all. We had returned to the King's Head Hotel for the first time since March. One hour into the milonga - only about 6 people had arrived.  Certainly, milonga numbers in Adelaide had been declining recently, and there had been a tango party the night before. Were we wasting our time yesterday, and that of our few patrons?

Gradually more dancers arrived, yet it was still a relatively modest gathering of about 20 dancers.

About halfway through the milonga, I found myself transfixed. Most people were on the floor dancing sensitively to a tanda of Demare tangos. Something quite special appeared to be taking place. I fear that this will sound weirdly metaphysical, but here goes:  I can only describe this intangible phenomenon as a very positive and serene energy linking all the dancers in the ronda. And this continued for the rest of the milonga.

Was it my imagination? Perhaps a case of wishful thinking - wanting the milonga to be a success? Yet other people at the milonga were making similar (unsolicited) observations.

Did the new furniture arrangement in the 'ballroom' influence the mood?

Were the people present so determined to enjoy themselves that their positive energy was infectious?

Was the considerate dancing of each person a factor?

Did the music play a part?

Whatever it was, yesterday some magic happened.
PP

Milonga Q and A

Last week we conducted a brief Q and A.  We asked dancers in our group about their concerns in the milonga. Had they experienced behaviours which they didn't like, but didn't know how to respond to? From a tentative beginning emerged quite a number of issues, many to do with plain good manners!

We thought it might be useful to share the concerns and some suggested responses:

Surrounding couples are doing big movements, which are either disturbing your dancing or posing a danger. (Assuming that the norm of the milonga is small movements)

1. At a break in the music, the man could take his partner to a safer part of the ronda. 
2. Where the movements are dangerous to others, ask the milonga organiser to deal with it.
3. The man can navigate to reduce the space the offending couple has, so that they have to dance more conservatively in a smaller space – but the man will always always protect his partner in doing so.

Your partner (male or female) uses an uncomfortable embrace
e.g. too intimate (e.g. man putting your right hand to his chest); stressful (pushing your right/left hand out or up too far;  man pushing & pulling as a means of leading); physically uncomfortable (gripping you too tightly; man ‘paddling’ your back as he leads).

1. You can move your hand to the position that you prefer; if your partner complains, mention that the other position is uncomfortable; if he/she ignores that, tell him/her that you’ll need to sit down if he/she doesn’t do as you’ve asked. 
2. If the embrace is too tight, wriggle out of it until you have the room you need.

Your partner is talking, singing, whistling, making noises that you don’t like

1. “I can’t dance and listen at the same time”.  
2. “I’m finding your talking/singing/noises distracting” (but not the case when a milonguera sings the words in your ear in BsAs, gentlemen!)

The music starts – couples continue to talk in the ronda

1. Dance within your own space until the ronda starts moving ahead 
2. If the couple ahead of you continues to talk at length, pass them on the man's left & rejoin the ronda in front.

You experience collisions, with no acknowledgement or apology

It’s good manners for the man to acknowledge a collision with a wave or nod.  In the case of a significant collision, approach the offended couple at the end of the track to apologise.

At the start of a tanda you are sitting and having a conversation

1. If you’re planning to continue the conversation and not dance, then keep your focus on the person you’re talking to.  But, if you want to dance, chat and scan at the same time. 
2. If someone approaches you and interrupts your conversation, simply say, “No thank you, I’m chatting at the moment” or “Maybe later”

Poor lighting makes the cabeceo difficult
 
Men may need to move around the room so that the eye contact becomes more visible, but not too close to your intended partner.

Your partner (both men and women) keeps telling you what they want you to do

1. “I can’t dance and listen at the same time”.  (man or woman) 
2. “You lead it and I’ll follow”. (woman) 
3. “Let your body do the talking”. (woman) 
4. “My focus is on the music and leading with my body, not on figures” (man)

Man persists with a figure without leading it effectively. You don’t understand what he wants
 
Ladies, you could use your body language (e.g. puzzled expression, shrug of shoulders) to show you don’t understand what the man is leading. If he persists, and you feel uncomfortable, tell him. If he ignores that, tell him that you don't feel comfortable and you’ll need to sit down.

Ladies may fear that they won't get dances if they refuse poor dancers

Is a bad dance really better than no dance?
Your dancing may be judged by potential partners before they look in your direction; dancing poorly with a bad dancer may give them an impression of you as a dancer that you don’t desire.

Ladies tending to be too nice …  not knowing how to refuse an invitation from someone they simply don’t want to dance with

Certainly, it’s helpful for experienced women to dance with beginner men.

1. However, this doesn’t help poor ‘experienced’ dancers if they continue to believe that they can get dances without making the effort to improve. 
2. Accept with the proviso that “from now on, it’s with the eyes only!” This can be done in a light-hearted, yet assertive manner. 
3. When it’s very clear that dancing with a particular man would be a disaster: “No thank you, I’m afraid our dance styles are incompatible”

Note: Effective use of the cabeceo is a way of avoiding some of these problems altogether.

Random tanda thoughts

Adelaide has just finished hosting a lovely long-weekend of tango, bringing together dancers and DJs from far and wide, including New Zealand! No workshops, just social dancing. It was delightful discovering 'new' dance partners and having the opportunity to reconnect with 'old' ones.

This brought me to reflect on a sense of being somewhat short-changed at times. Allow me to explain: I would be enjoying a lovely dance with someone I hadn't seen in 12 months or so, and after 3 tangos the cortina was already playing. Or my new partner and I were just 'getting to know' each other in our first ever tanda together - really starting to connect during the second track of the tanda, and found that there was only one tango left to enjoy.

People who prefer three tango tandas often express the opinion that the arrangement allows dancers to circulate more and therefore dance with more people at the milonga. I can see that viewpoint.  However, that argument doesn't seem to work for those of us who perhaps prefer to dance less often, but with partners we really want to dance with. A four tango tanda leaves me feeling pleasantly satisfied and ready to happily float back to my table, rather than the sensation of an unfinished dish being snatched away from me by an over-zealous restaurant waiter.

I'm sure some will read this post and vigorously shake their heads.  They might even label my views as anti-tango community.  But there you are....

On another tanda note...
I recently came across this interesting background of the origin of the tanda.
PP

Are you really there for your partner?

I was initially attracted to tango by what I saw and heard when couples were dancing. Obviously, it was an observer's response. Then, I tried to recreate what I had observed.

Like the peeling away layers of an onion, it dawned on me much later that the experience of genuinely dancing tango is largely private, unseen and incredibly satisfying.

Good technique can be taught and developed ....
... frequently listening to tango music will improve your appreciation and response....
....... both will enhance your dance a great deal.
But, in my view, they won't get you beyond a certain point unless you have the right attitude.

So .. what is your state of mind when you dance tango?

Does the music compel you to seek out a dance partner? (Or do you dance to whatever music is put on?)

.... then, are you really present for your partner?

Do you listen to your partner throughout the dance?

..... so, are you always doing your best to connect with your partner and his/her response to the music?

Is your dance governed by the music and your partner? (Or is the next figure your dominant thought?)

.... once again, do you really listen to your partner at each moment of the dance?

Are you prepared to give yourself to your partner? (This implies trust, of course.)

.... and is it your intention to make each part of the dance pleasurable for your partner?


If so, and if your partner is doing the same, then chances are that you may both experience a lovely connection.  You know the sort I mean?  It leaves you floating on air at the end of the tanda (and just a teensy bit sad), as though you were returning to reality from another dimension.

So, what do YOU want when you dance tango? Just a bit of fun on the dance-floor? Or do you want more?

PP