Diaries from BsAs #1 - The price of honesty

From her:

During recent visits to Buenos Aires, I’d noticed him appearing at milongas, tall and usually clad in a suit. He’d dance with a few ladies, then disappear again into the night. His style of dancing impressed me and it looked like his partners enjoyed the experience, but I’d never been able to catch his eye.

Then on our first night back in BsAs, he looked my way and we danced a tanda of tango (Calo, if memory serves me correctly). Later, we also enjoyed a tanda of milonga together. After three hours that night, I decided to leave the milonga. Jet-lag had been playing havoc with my body-clock. I needed some dinner, which I mentioned when he asked why I was leaving so early. I should have seen it coming, but I’ll blame the jet-lag.

He, of course, asked me to join him for dinner.
What I said: I breezily declined the offer, saying I was dining with my partner.
What I should have said: “Thankyou, but I’m very tired after the long journey.  I enjoyed our dances. Hope to see you again at another milonga."

Well, I saw him again at several milongas thereafter.  Did he even glance my way? Of course not! I suppose I’d injured his pride with the direct refusal.

Moral of the story: Keep ‘em guessing gals!
PP

Update (1 May):  Looks like I've been forgiven, as he's invited me to dance at a couple of milongas since my initial faux pas.  But things appear to have changed.  He seems to be exhibiting some interesting bits of territorial behaviour since establishing the identity of my partner .... but not winning!

Perhaps size matters

Might there be a relationship between the size of the milonga dance-floor and the level of dancers?

On one night at Lujos, we were dancing in the small space that is El Beso in Buenos Aires. The dancers displayed a high level of skill and excellent floor-craft.  The couples seemed to collaborate and flow together.  Over the next two nights, the floor-spaces were progressively bigger, and the level of dancing; floor-craft descended to what could be described as ordinary, then poor.  In the third and largest venue, it was impossible to relax into the dance, due to distracting and unpredictable movements of surrounding dancers.

Closer to home, many dancers have remarked, that at our milonga, Comme il faut, where the floor-space is the smallest of all local milongas, the dancing is calm, with good navigation, movements are generally small, and there’s consideration for other dancers.

Theory: the best dancers congregate in the smaller venues – where good skills are essential, while others head for the wide open spaces. 
But wait a minute, on following nights came Lujos at Plaza Bohemia and El Maipu at La Nacional; the latter being quite large. Both milongas attract skilled dancers with very good floor-craft. 
Hmm, while my theory may have some merit, it’s not the whole story; there are clearly other factors that can over-ride the proposition.

Bob

Cabeceo capital of Australia?

If you like an invitation to dance in the form of an outstretched hand, a tap on the shoulder or a more formal Would you care to dance?, then perhaps you should stop reading right now.

It may come as no surprise that I'm a strong supporter of the cabeceo.  Novices to this elegant technique of invitation typically find it challenging.  But once you get the hang of it and develop confidence, you'll find it quite empowering - for men and for women.

Why bother with yet another challenge?  You might well ask.  Isn't dancing tango hard enough?

Well, call me a traditional tango purist, if you like.  But for me, dancing real tango is about becoming one with the music and my partner.  It's not something I can simply switch on - with anyone, at any time, with any music.  I prefer to dance less often, and feel satisfied when I do.  So I prefer the choice to be mutual.

Over the past few years, we've been encouraging use of the cabeceo at our milongas: Comme il faut and La Esquina, and it's so gratifying to see that it has caught on.  Seldom do we see men approaching unsuspecting women with outstretched hand.  Rarely do they hover in front of their intended victim practically forcing her to get up and dance, or bluntly refuse him in public. Many experienced dancers in Adelaide now use the cabeceo quite effortlessly.  Dare I say, that it appears to be becoming the norm in some milongas here.

Perhaps it will eventually catch on in other Australian cities.  But in my experience, so far Adelaide easily wins the prize for the cabeceo capital of Australia.
PP

Dance like a man!

Watching dancers at a milonga my internal voice sometimes yells out “Dance like a man!”  So what is it that bothers me?

I simply believe that leaders in tango need to display masculinity, and some behaviours, in my eye, exhibit a lack of it.  For example, his left hand pulled in towards him, an open ‘embrace’ with his right hand just above his partner’s hip, walking with tentativeness, flexing his body sideways in order to walk outside his partner.  My advice regarding these: keep the left arm to at least 90 degrees, adopt a genuine, close embrace, walk decisively, and use body dissociation/rotation.

The man needs to transfer his male energy to his partner.  The mentality isn't about leading & following, it’s about clear, effective communication.  It’s about confidence, which is not arrogance; strength but not forcefulness; intensity not anxiety; feeling that you belong there, not fearfulness about being judged.  

Guys! Don’t dance as if you’re apologising for being out there.

The man needs to engender a sense of trust in his partner so that she can relax and be receptive.  He therefore needs to be confident and decisive in every, single move.  Uncertainty can be detected by his partner in a millisecond, trust will diminish and tension will rise …. the dance will  go downhill from there. 

In brief:  Stand like a man, embrace like a man & walk like a man!

Bob

How do you like your milonga?

In a post 3 years ago “What makes a good milonga”, I suggested that there were 4 key ingredients contributing to a good milonga: the (welcoming) organisers, the codes, the venue and last but not least, the music.  However, their interaction and effectiveness have a lot to do with the organisers’ desire to be pro-active.  Here are 3 typical approaches used by organisers – see if you recognise any or all of them in milongas you’ve attended:

1.     Heavy-handed: There is a milonga in Buenos Aires that used to have a list of rules on display at the entrance.  No doubt there about the expectations, and the organisers enforced them in a fairly cold and unwelcoming manner.  There was a feeling of tension and exclusivity.  Not keen to go back there, despite the high level of dancing.

2.      Pro-active:  Anyone who has been to Oscar & Lucia’s milonga Lujos at El Beso & Plaza Bohemia, or earlier at Maipu 444, will be very aware that there is a calmness to the dancing, a lot of respect for other dancers, and an implicit understanding of what is expected.  The organisers are highly respected, and are quite willing to intervene if necessary, but in a gentle and supportive manner.   As a dancer, you feel comfortable, because the behaviour of others is predictable and safe.  Definitely among my regular milongas.

3.      Laissez-faire: The crowd determines the behaviour on any one night, and over time, a trend develops – often downward.  The floor-craft is unpredictable, and the dancing styles vary from good salon through to stage-style.  The latter results in dangerous activity, frustration, and good dancers leaving the floor early or even the milonga.  Unfortunately, the organisers are either too nice, unaware or lack the confidence to intervene.  Maybe the milonga could be good, but it’ll take an extended time to slowly change its culture – using both active intervention when absolutely necessary, and gradually increasing the awareness of milonga etiquette through a range of strategies.

In brief, the organisers need to have a vision of what they want to achieve – presumably a good milonga – and how they plan to achieve it.

Have you experienced any of these approaches?

Bob