Mirada? Cabeceo? What’s the difference?

In essence they are two very simple signals in the milonga:

MIRADA (the look) = showing interest to dance

CABECEO (the nod) = indicating acceptance

Yet even experienced tango dancers may find this respectful form of invitation challenging.  

For example, I’ve often heard:
“I was nodding at you, so why didn’t you dance with me?”

“He/She stares at me continuously even though I show no interest.”

“He/She is always in deep conversation with friends.  Later he/she complains that we didn’t dance.”

Well, let’s take a look at the basics:

MIRADA
Having selected a person you would like to dance with, you indicate your interest by looking at their eyes.  The look usually needs to be sustained for a few seconds - no more, so they understand that you would be interested in dancing with them.  A glance is not usually enough.  But it’s not a long stare either.

(If they’re not interested at the time, they won’t hold your gaze.  And nobody else will know!)

CABECEO

If the person does hold your gaze, they may accept by nodding their head, or by smiling, or by making some other positive gesture. You can then show your agreement with a similar gesture.  While maintaining eye-contact, the man makes his way to the woman’s table, who remains seated until he arrives in front of her (thus avoiding misunderstandings in a busy milonga).  He then leads her on to the dance floor - yes, he goes first.

Yes, it’s that simple! 
If you’re interested you need to show it through your body language. 
And you need to accept that everyone has a right to choose. In other words, the acceptance must be mutual, otherwise it’s not consent.

Of course, there are lots of finer points. To give yourself the best chance of success, I recommend taking a good look at Tango Mentor’s excellent article.
https://tangomentor.com/cabeceo-beginners-guide/

Milongas in Buenos Aires 2025 & the economy

How does the average Argentine citizen manage in a country where the cost of living appears to have doubled in 12 months?  Wherever you look - public transport, groceries, eating out - prices have skyrocketed.  Heaven knows what their power bills are like!

For a long time, since about 2002, visitors to the country could count on very affordable - dare I say - cheap prices.  No longer!  Think Australian prices for meals and coffee.

We expected milongas to be a lot quieter this year.  With less money to spare now, it would be reasonable to expect attendances to suffer.  Many milonga regulars in Buenos Aires would normally go dancing a few times per week, but we imagined that they would be tightening their belts.  How wrong we were. Milongas are full!

When chatting with a regular local dancer, he pointed out that the milonga remains an affordable night out - cheaper than eating out or going to the theatre.  With a milonga entrada of around 6,000 pesos (US$6) plus a drink 3,000 pesos, public transport (perhaps a shared taxi to go home) going to the milonga was still a relatively affordable way to have a great night out with friends.

PP

Why do we say YES when we mean NO?

Have you been in the situation where you were invited to dance, but for some reason, preferred not to accept that invitation?  Even if this never happens to you, you may still want to keep reading.

Some dancers have described to me situations where they would’ve liked to refuse (or postpone) the invitation, but feared hurting the person’s feelings.  Some have confided feeling pressured to dance, but were unsure how to respond.  Some experienced dancers (often popular male dancers outnumbered by ladies) may be frequently approached directly for a dance - particularly in milongas where the cabeceo is not the norm.  Some of these people have said to me that they feel obliged to spread themselves around throughout the milonga.  Community-spirit is to be applauded - up to a point.  

It almost goes without saying that there are many reasons for not wanting to dance at times.  You may be involved in a conversation; may be feeling too hot after an energetic tanda; the music isn’t to your taste; you don’t feel comfortable with the inviter; just feel like listening to the music and watching the dancers; you had already arranged to dance with someone else; etc, etc.

Of course, “Yes” is always an option, but it may come at a price.  Are you finding yourself denied a chance to dance with many of the partners that you prefer?  When you dance, are you able to give your partner your all for that tanda, or are you just going through the motions?  Are you mostly satisfying the needs and desires of others, while ignoring your own?

Indeed, saying “No” carries the risk of offending the other person.  Perhaps you fear that the risk is just too great. So rather than working out a way of being true to yourself, you may take the path of least resistance and always say “Yes”.

What are some alternatives?  Apart, from a blunt “No”? 
Unfortunately, not everyone in your tango community uses the more subtle cabeceo.  And you don’t want to develop a reputation as unfriendly.

Have you tried …

-  engaging the person in a conversation, rather than getting up to dance?  It shows them that you’re still interested in them as a person.  If they don’t wish to chat, they can move on.
-  indicating non-verbally “maybe later” with a smile?
-  briefly mentioning the reason for not wanting to dance now, perhaps adding that you’ll look across at them later?

Maybe you have other successful strategies which you’d like to share.

On the other hand, if the person won’t accept your response, then you always have the blunt option of “No, thanks”!  After all, if someone asks a question, they cannot assume that the answer will always be the one they want to hear.  Why should the milonga be any different to other aspects of life?  

Tangomentor’s discussion makes further interesting reading on this subject

Turning down an invitation may appear difficult at first.  But when you’ve tried it once or twice, I’m sure you’d get the hang of it.  Better still, adopting the mirada + cabeceo in your community would render this problem redundant!
PP

Milonga Solidaria 2025

A massive "THANK YOU" to all the dancers attending the Milonga Solidaria at the Austrian Club on Friday night.

It was a lovely milonga, with beautiful music, elegant dancing, a great vibe - as well as a successful fund-raiser.  There were many personal donations, including from a number of dancers unable to attend.  At the moment, the sum stands at $2,040!  But we're hoping that other dancers in the Adelaide tango community will offer to make a cash donation or EFT in coming weeks.

The money will be converted to US$, then delivered to Presente Escuelas Rurales organiser Lorena Gomez in Buenos Aires in late April.  This will support the volunteer medical trip to the remote Monte Santiagueno (Santiago del Estero province).

Firstly, thank you to all who attended and paid the $15 entrada - ALL of which will be donated.

Thank you to Vicki, Dee, Steve, Glynn, Robyn & Ray, Sheila, Monica, Joan, Christina W, Larry, David B, Frank & Lucy, Tricia M, Sonia, Su, Lidia, Rushdy, David N, Jarred, Liz R, Cris D, Bruno, Shaddie, Trish N, Lorraine, Liz J, Paul M, Mariangela, Daniel, Mike B, James, Paul C, Carl, Anne R for your personal donations.

Sincere thanks also to Southern Cross Tango and Studio Tango for promoting the event.

Still want to make a contribution?  It's not too late. Contact us for the EFT details.

* More photos

Welcome to our new milonga venue!

The doors had just opened for our first milonga at the beautiful Torrens Rowing Club last month. 
See you again at Comme il faut on the 15 September (3rd Sunday of the month).